Transcript: "Ana Get Your Gun"
Episode BABF209
Aired 8 Feb 2006
(Flashback: SAWYER is under the sheets with PAM DAWBER.)
SAWYER: Hey, it's 1:30 in the morning. I gotta go to that meeting.
(He gets up and grabs BRIEFCASE, which pops open, spilling bundles of CASH.)
PAM: Come on, do you really expect me to fall for that? That the lock would just spring open?
(PAM Picks up a BUNDLE, looks at it skeptically.)
PAM: Last time I checked, Reagan wasn't on the $100 bill!
SAWYER: Well, my penis is so large, than unless I hold the case at arm's length, it pops the lock.
PAM [scoffs]: You're wasting your time. I got almost nothing from "Mork and Mindy" syndication. I don't have anything to steal.
* * *
JACK: How's the recruiting going?
ANA LUCIA: Lousy. That's the problem here, you guys aren't scared enough. You think you're safe.
JACK: The Washington Post has you stuck at 38%.
ANA LUCIA: Yeah, well the Post is a liberal rag.
* * *
(SUN, dappled in daylight filtering through the trees, is tending her
garden. It begins to RAIN. The scene throbs with erotic POTENTIAL.)
SUN [singing]: ... singin' in the rain; oh what a wonderful feeling, I'm h-
(CHARLIE drags SUN off by the head, and if you TIVO it, you can see his Driveshaft ring.)
(KATE is on the beach. Her EARS perk up like UNDERDOG's.)
KATE: Sun's in trouble!
(KATE fetches SUN's unconscious body and lays her down in a tent.)
SAWYER: Hey freckles, what's up?
(KATE swoons and is laid beside SUN).
(All the other LOSTIES arrive. SUN is still out cold and BLEEDING.)
JIN [waving arms and speaking Korean]: I'm telling you, she fell down the stairs! She is clumsy!
JACK: Jin, we know it wasn't you.
(ANA takes JACK aside.)
ANA: The Others have come back. It's time to arm up.
JACK: Wait a second. How do I know it wasn't you?
ANA: I'm the most likely person? Come on, Jack. Use your head.
JACK: Who else could it be?
ANA [smirks]: You're too cute to have Alzheimer's already. Two weeks ago. Who set the fire? Who took the baby? Twice!
JACK: Oh yeah. Charlie.
* * *
SAWYER: So the long con is when you get someone else to do something and convince her it was her idea.
PAM: I've got an idea! Let's do a long con!
* * *
ANA storms onto the beach, waving a copy of a NEWSPAPER.
ANA: You guys see this? You see this?
(The LOSTIES crowd around ANA as she opens the PAPER to the Op-ed section. There are two pages of CARTOONS, all of them insulting:
KATE is a teenage girl in braces, gazing at a bedroom poster of a shirtless SAWYER.
JACK plays golf while a patient on a gurney bleeds to death.
SAYID throws a bomb at a person holding a sign saying "Sayid throws bombs".
JIN and SUN stalk a terrified dog.
ANA has crashed into a tree, yet still drinks from a bottle labeled XXX.
HURLEY is orbited by a network of satellites.
LOCKE addresses a throng in front of the burning REICHSTAG.)
JACK: Where is this from?
ANA [whipping paper shut] "The Craphole Chronicle." Published by: "The Others." There's a paper box right outside the bunker. It's 50 cents.
JACK: How do I know you didn't print this up yourself? You're just trying to stir up fear! You're trying to prod me into getting the guns!
(JACK leaves to get the guns.)
* * *
(JACK and LOCKE are in the bunker.)
JACK: Locke, did you get my note?
LOCKE: I'm sorry, Jack, we don't have any "gubs".
JACK: What?
LOCKE [shows note]: That's what you asked for: "GUBS".
JACK: You know what I meant. Come on. We're under attack. I need access to the guns.
LOCKE [spreads palms apart and grins beatifically]: Sorry, Jack. I'd love to give you some gubs, but there aren't any.
* * *
(Back at camp.)
JACK: Where the hell are the guns?
LOCKE: I don't know.
(SAWYER walks up, hootin' and shootin' like YOSEMITE SAM.)
SAWYER: Yee haw! There's a new law in town today! You want a bang-stick, you gotta go through me! And I ain't never gonna fall asleep! Or go to the bathroom.
* * *
(In the woods.)
CHARLIE: I wanted to make Locke feel foolish and undignified.
SAWYER: So in comparison, you'd look like Thomas Jefferson. And Claire would say "Oh, chollie, I've been so wrong! Please take me back!"
CHARLIE: You making fun of me, then?
SAWYER: For god's sake, you need a Queer Eye makeover. Get a shave. And lose that hoodie. You look like a freaking Jawa.
CHARLIE: (broods)
SAWYER: Also, Locke's on our side. He just doesn't know it yet. Let's not mess with one of our own guys.
CHARLIE: Locke's going to leave the group?
SAWYER: A matter of time. You gotta think long term, boy.
CHARLIE: I can. I bloody well can.
(Fade OUT.)
Episode BABF209
Aired 8 Feb 2006
(Flashback: SAWYER is under the sheets with PAM DAWBER.)
SAWYER: Hey, it's 1:30 in the morning. I gotta go to that meeting.
(He gets up and grabs BRIEFCASE, which pops open, spilling bundles of CASH.)
PAM: Come on, do you really expect me to fall for that? That the lock would just spring open?
(PAM Picks up a BUNDLE, looks at it skeptically.)
PAM: Last time I checked, Reagan wasn't on the $100 bill!
SAWYER: Well, my penis is so large, than unless I hold the case at arm's length, it pops the lock.
PAM [scoffs]: You're wasting your time. I got almost nothing from "Mork and Mindy" syndication. I don't have anything to steal.
* * *
JACK: How's the recruiting going?
ANA LUCIA: Lousy. That's the problem here, you guys aren't scared enough. You think you're safe.
JACK: The Washington Post has you stuck at 38%.
ANA LUCIA: Yeah, well the Post is a liberal rag.
* * *
(SUN, dappled in daylight filtering through the trees, is tending her
garden. It begins to RAIN. The scene throbs with erotic POTENTIAL.)
SUN [singing]: ... singin' in the rain; oh what a wonderful feeling, I'm h-
(CHARLIE drags SUN off by the head, and if you TIVO it, you can see his Driveshaft ring.)
(KATE is on the beach. Her EARS perk up like UNDERDOG's.)
KATE: Sun's in trouble!
(KATE fetches SUN's unconscious body and lays her down in a tent.)
SAWYER: Hey freckles, what's up?
(KATE swoons and is laid beside SUN).
(All the other LOSTIES arrive. SUN is still out cold and BLEEDING.)
JIN [waving arms and speaking Korean]: I'm telling you, she fell down the stairs! She is clumsy!
JACK: Jin, we know it wasn't you.
(ANA takes JACK aside.)
ANA: The Others have come back. It's time to arm up.
JACK: Wait a second. How do I know it wasn't you?
ANA: I'm the most likely person? Come on, Jack. Use your head.
JACK: Who else could it be?
ANA [smirks]: You're too cute to have Alzheimer's already. Two weeks ago. Who set the fire? Who took the baby? Twice!
JACK: Oh yeah. Charlie.
* * *
SAWYER: So the long con is when you get someone else to do something and convince her it was her idea.
PAM: I've got an idea! Let's do a long con!
* * *
ANA storms onto the beach, waving a copy of a NEWSPAPER.
ANA: You guys see this? You see this?
(The LOSTIES crowd around ANA as she opens the PAPER to the Op-ed section. There are two pages of CARTOONS, all of them insulting:
KATE is a teenage girl in braces, gazing at a bedroom poster of a shirtless SAWYER.
JACK plays golf while a patient on a gurney bleeds to death.
SAYID throws a bomb at a person holding a sign saying "Sayid throws bombs".
JIN and SUN stalk a terrified dog.
ANA has crashed into a tree, yet still drinks from a bottle labeled XXX.
HURLEY is orbited by a network of satellites.
LOCKE addresses a throng in front of the burning REICHSTAG.)
JACK: Where is this from?
ANA [whipping paper shut] "The Craphole Chronicle." Published by: "The Others." There's a paper box right outside the bunker. It's 50 cents.
JACK: How do I know you didn't print this up yourself? You're just trying to stir up fear! You're trying to prod me into getting the guns!
(JACK leaves to get the guns.)
* * *
(JACK and LOCKE are in the bunker.)
JACK: Locke, did you get my note?
LOCKE: I'm sorry, Jack, we don't have any "gubs".
JACK: What?
LOCKE [shows note]: That's what you asked for: "GUBS".
JACK: You know what I meant. Come on. We're under attack. I need access to the guns.
LOCKE [spreads palms apart and grins beatifically]: Sorry, Jack. I'd love to give you some gubs, but there aren't any.
* * *
(Back at camp.)
JACK: Where the hell are the guns?
LOCKE: I don't know.
(SAWYER walks up, hootin' and shootin' like YOSEMITE SAM.)
SAWYER: Yee haw! There's a new law in town today! You want a bang-stick, you gotta go through me! And I ain't never gonna fall asleep! Or go to the bathroom.
* * *
(In the woods.)
CHARLIE: I wanted to make Locke feel foolish and undignified.
SAWYER: So in comparison, you'd look like Thomas Jefferson. And Claire would say "Oh, chollie, I've been so wrong! Please take me back!"
CHARLIE: You making fun of me, then?
SAWYER: For god's sake, you need a Queer Eye makeover. Get a shave. And lose that hoodie. You look like a freaking Jawa.
CHARLIE: (broods)
SAWYER: Also, Locke's on our side. He just doesn't know it yet. Let's not mess with one of our own guys.
CHARLIE: Locke's going to leave the group?
SAWYER: A matter of time. You gotta think long term, boy.
CHARLIE: I can. I bloody well can.
(Fade OUT.)
