(A periodic service to those who may have missed a line or two of dialogue. Some spoilers here.)
Transcript: "Katamari Dharmacy"
or, "Planet Claire"
or, "Claire de Loon"
Episode BABF209
Aired 1 Mar 2006
(In the BUNKER.)
LOCKE: Here's a book. Thought you might need something to pass the time.
HENRY: "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids"?? Don't you have any Stephen King?
LOCKE: Well, yes, but only the Gunslinger ones, Tommyknockers, Tom Gordon, and Gerald's Game.
HENRY [grimaces]: Okay, I'll keep this one.
* * *
(On the BEACH.)
AARON: Waaaaaaah!
CLAIRE: Oh, Aaron sweetie, you're burning up! You've got to cool down. Here, here's some water, oh, poor baby
(ROUSSEAU appears out of ****ing nowhere.)
ROUSSEAU: Ak ak ak ak ak! Ak ak! Ak ak ak!
CLAIRE: What are you doing here?!
KATE: Go away. You're only disturbing everyone.
ROUSSEAU: Ak ak ak! Ak! Ak!
KATE [pushing ROUSSEAU away]: Listen. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
* * *
(LIBBY is looking prettier each time we see her. This is SUSPICIOUS. Perhaps she is some sort of HOTNESS VAMPIRE.)
LIBBY: Claire, close your eyes; and think back to before you gave birth to Aaron.
CLAIRE [dreaming]: Instructor, this leotard is nearly transparent! And where are the other dancers?
LIBBY: Ok, too far back. Try on the island, but while still pregnant.
CLAIRE [after several jump-cut flashbacks]: OMG! It was Ethan!
LIBBY: What about Ethan?
CLAIRE: I was in a clinic, and he was the doctor, giving me shots. He said the baby needed them. He gave me this nutrition drink called Dharmalite --
LIBBY: "Dharmalite?"
CLAIRE: Yes, D-H-A-R-M-A-L-I-T-E. It's supposed to have less sugar. And-- we have to go there! There's medicine there! To make my baby well!
* * *
CLAIRE: Is this going to hurt?
ETHAN: It'll just be a little pinprick.
CLAIRE [giggles]: How much does all this medicine cost, anyway?
ETHAN [taps syringe to clear air bubble]: $156 a dose.
CLAIRE [blanches] Covered by my insurance, right?
(ETHAN shakes his head.)
(CLAIRE screams.)
* * *
(KATE walks toward SAWYER'S TENT and immediately swoons. SAWYER looks over her inert form and chuckles.)
SAWYER: Glad you could drop by, Freckles. You don't talk a guy's ear off like most of them.
(He notices a NOTE clutched in her outstretched hand.)
SAWYER: Now what do we have here? (Reads note.) "Sawyer, I need a gun, and you don't get to ask why." Well, Freckles, why should I ask a question when I won't get an answer? Here.
(He gently lifts KATE's fingers and wraps them around the barrel of a 9mm PISTOL.)
SAWYER: Happy hunting. Point the holey thing toward the bad guys.
* * *
(LIBBY stays on the beach by herself and has written DHARMALITE into the sand. Something about the letters strikes her curiosity as well.)
LIBBY: Dharmalite, Dharmalite...
(LIBBY scoots rightward a few inches and starts writing more letters. She frowns, and then gasps, and completes a new set of words. She stands up.)
LIBBY: Hurley! Anyone! Come here!
(HURLEY jogs over.)
HURLEY: What?
LIBBY: The Dharmalite, the drink Ethan was feeding Claire.
HURLEY: Huh?
LIBBY: We were going to tell you. Anyway, "Dharmalite" is an anagram. Look!
(LIBBY points to the sand, where she has written: DHARMALITE = A MAD HITLER.)
HURLEY: They're cloning a new master race!
* * *
ETHAN: Claire, since you've been so good, we have a little surprise for you. (He leads her down the hallway.)
CLAIRE [gasps]: An underground, windowless play room! With a door that locks from the outside and a little plexiglass window! Oh, it's wonderful!
ETHAN: Now, Claire, you need to be sure that you want to do this. It is your choice.
CLAIRE [brightly]: I am sure! I want my baby to stay here!
ETHAN: Now there are a few more things we ask of you.
CLAIRE: Anything!
ETHAN: We are running low on capital here at the hospital, so we'll need you to help us rob a few banks. And then kill Sharon Tate.
CLAIRE: Okay!
* * *
(CLAIRE clears vines and leaves, and pulls down a large black plastic sheet. This reveals a set of double doors with the DHARMA logo.)
ROUSSEAU: Ak ak ak ak ak!
KATE: I disagree, I think we ought to defer this for another episode.
CLAIRE: No. We need to find out this week.
KATE: They'll probably be locked.
CLAIRE (opening doors.)
* * *
CLAIRE: But I don't understand; why Aaron?
KATE: They're probably stealing infants in alphabetical order.
* * *
HENRY: So Locke, Jack really keeps you in line, doesn't he?
LOCKE: No, it's a partnership. We make decisions together.
HENRY: Sure, sure. He brings home the bacon and you keep up the house.
LOCKE: You've got the wrong idea.
HENRY: Looks to me like he's working on a rescue plan while you sit on your ass and watch "The View".
LOCKE: (slams door)
HENRY [shouting]: Don't get all hysterical now!
* * *
(Scenes from the next new episode of Lost. It is the year 35,728,215. The EARTH is a dried-out HUSK. All of HUMANITY is EXTINCT. Robots continue to operate a LUNAR OUTPOST.
ROBOT 1728: announce(tv.program("lost").new())
ROBOT 134A: ack 192.168.1.134 req(*buf, 34*1024*1024)
ROBOT 1728: this.transmit()
ROBOT 134A: ldmia fp, {sp, ip, lr}
ROBOT 134A: alert(spoiler("So Libby was in on it"))
ROBOT 1728: alert("Just happy to see a new episode")
Transcript: "Katamari Dharmacy"
or, "Planet Claire"
or, "Claire de Loon"
Episode BABF209
Aired 1 Mar 2006
(In the BUNKER.)
LOCKE: Here's a book. Thought you might need something to pass the time.
HENRY: "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids"?? Don't you have any Stephen King?
LOCKE: Well, yes, but only the Gunslinger ones, Tommyknockers, Tom Gordon, and Gerald's Game.
HENRY [grimaces]: Okay, I'll keep this one.
* * *
(On the BEACH.)
AARON: Waaaaaaah!
CLAIRE: Oh, Aaron sweetie, you're burning up! You've got to cool down. Here, here's some water, oh, poor baby
(ROUSSEAU appears out of ****ing nowhere.)
ROUSSEAU: Ak ak ak ak ak! Ak ak! Ak ak ak!
CLAIRE: What are you doing here?!
KATE: Go away. You're only disturbing everyone.
ROUSSEAU: Ak ak ak! Ak! Ak!
KATE [pushing ROUSSEAU away]: Listen. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
* * *
(LIBBY is looking prettier each time we see her. This is SUSPICIOUS. Perhaps she is some sort of HOTNESS VAMPIRE.)
LIBBY: Claire, close your eyes; and think back to before you gave birth to Aaron.
CLAIRE [dreaming]: Instructor, this leotard is nearly transparent! And where are the other dancers?
LIBBY: Ok, too far back. Try on the island, but while still pregnant.
CLAIRE [after several jump-cut flashbacks]: OMG! It was Ethan!
LIBBY: What about Ethan?
CLAIRE: I was in a clinic, and he was the doctor, giving me shots. He said the baby needed them. He gave me this nutrition drink called Dharmalite --
LIBBY: "Dharmalite?"
CLAIRE: Yes, D-H-A-R-M-A-L-I-T-E. It's supposed to have less sugar. And-- we have to go there! There's medicine there! To make my baby well!
* * *
CLAIRE: Is this going to hurt?
ETHAN: It'll just be a little pinprick.
CLAIRE [giggles]: How much does all this medicine cost, anyway?
ETHAN [taps syringe to clear air bubble]: $156 a dose.
CLAIRE [blanches] Covered by my insurance, right?
(ETHAN shakes his head.)
(CLAIRE screams.)
* * *
(KATE walks toward SAWYER'S TENT and immediately swoons. SAWYER looks over her inert form and chuckles.)
SAWYER: Glad you could drop by, Freckles. You don't talk a guy's ear off like most of them.
(He notices a NOTE clutched in her outstretched hand.)
SAWYER: Now what do we have here? (Reads note.) "Sawyer, I need a gun, and you don't get to ask why." Well, Freckles, why should I ask a question when I won't get an answer? Here.
(He gently lifts KATE's fingers and wraps them around the barrel of a 9mm PISTOL.)
SAWYER: Happy hunting. Point the holey thing toward the bad guys.
* * *
(LIBBY stays on the beach by herself and has written DHARMALITE into the sand. Something about the letters strikes her curiosity as well.)
LIBBY: Dharmalite, Dharmalite...
(LIBBY scoots rightward a few inches and starts writing more letters. She frowns, and then gasps, and completes a new set of words. She stands up.)
LIBBY: Hurley! Anyone! Come here!
(HURLEY jogs over.)
HURLEY: What?
LIBBY: The Dharmalite, the drink Ethan was feeding Claire.
HURLEY: Huh?
LIBBY: We were going to tell you. Anyway, "Dharmalite" is an anagram. Look!
(LIBBY points to the sand, where she has written: DHARMALITE = A MAD HITLER.)
HURLEY: They're cloning a new master race!
* * *
ETHAN: Claire, since you've been so good, we have a little surprise for you. (He leads her down the hallway.)
CLAIRE [gasps]: An underground, windowless play room! With a door that locks from the outside and a little plexiglass window! Oh, it's wonderful!
ETHAN: Now, Claire, you need to be sure that you want to do this. It is your choice.
CLAIRE [brightly]: I am sure! I want my baby to stay here!
ETHAN: Now there are a few more things we ask of you.
CLAIRE: Anything!
ETHAN: We are running low on capital here at the hospital, so we'll need you to help us rob a few banks. And then kill Sharon Tate.
CLAIRE: Okay!
* * *
(CLAIRE clears vines and leaves, and pulls down a large black plastic sheet. This reveals a set of double doors with the DHARMA logo.)
ROUSSEAU: Ak ak ak ak ak!
KATE: I disagree, I think we ought to defer this for another episode.
CLAIRE: No. We need to find out this week.
KATE: They'll probably be locked.
CLAIRE (opening doors.)
* * *
CLAIRE: But I don't understand; why Aaron?
KATE: They're probably stealing infants in alphabetical order.
* * *
HENRY: So Locke, Jack really keeps you in line, doesn't he?
LOCKE: No, it's a partnership. We make decisions together.
HENRY: Sure, sure. He brings home the bacon and you keep up the house.
LOCKE: You've got the wrong idea.
HENRY: Looks to me like he's working on a rescue plan while you sit on your ass and watch "The View".
LOCKE: (slams door)
HENRY [shouting]: Don't get all hysterical now!
* * *
(Scenes from the next new episode of Lost. It is the year 35,728,215. The EARTH is a dried-out HUSK. All of HUMANITY is EXTINCT. Robots continue to operate a LUNAR OUTPOST.
ROBOT 1728: announce(tv.program("lost").new())
ROBOT 134A: ack 192.168.1.134 req(*buf, 34*1024*1024)
ROBOT 1728: this.transmit()
ROBOT 134A: ldmia fp, {sp, ip, lr}
ROBOT 134A: alert(spoiler("So Libby was in on it"))
ROBOT 1728: alert("Just happy to see a new episode")
